Two Sides of the Same Coin
by Ravenshirin
Summary: Leia saw something that she never expected and went to someone she should never trust for help. Alvin never expected to see a crying girl standing in his doorway at such a late hour. Both are confused and upset, but neither fully understand what they're getting themselves into. **Set during Tales of Xillia 2**
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Sure, Leia's heart was torn apart and she was distraught, but that was no excuse to be outside this man's door. She didn't know who else to turn to, though, and she was afraid that she might explode if she didn't find a way to work through this. Her cheeks were wet with her tears, and she knew that she must look awful with how violently she had reacted to… that.

Leia had known for a long time that Jude had fallen for Milla, but she had thought, since Milla had no physical form anymore, that she had a chance. When all the fractured dimension stuff started, she should have realized that Milla would show back up, but… She still never expected to walk in on such a scene… And the worst part was they were so entranced with each other and their physical position that they hadn't even noticed her.

As Leia choked down another sob, she knocked on the door—HIS door, the one that she had a million and one reasons not to trust—and waited.

Alvin had been fast asleep when he heard the knock and dragged himself out of bed. He didn't even think to put a shirt on when he opened the door. Neither one expected to see the other in the state they were in. Leia's hair was falling out of her ponytail and her face was red from wiping away tears. Her eyes were still bright with them and her lips were swollen and chapped.

Alvin was in no better condition. He had gone to bed immediately after washing, so his hair was sticking up odd directions. He was in his pajamas, a pair of brown sweatpants… And no shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep and his face was pale from low blood pressure that he always struggled with when he woke up.

"Really? Is that how you open the door?" Leia was the first to recover. "What if it had been Elize or something?" She snapped, wiping her face.

Alvin felt his temper flare—who did this girl think she was?—but it didn't last for more than a second. "What the hell would bring Elize to my door at 2 'o clock in the morning?" He retorted, but it held no edge. "Jude's room is that way." He pointed down the hall before shutting the door in her face.

She knocked again in frustration. Did he always have to be such a dick?

He opened the door again after only a few seconds. This time he was pulling a t-shirt over his head. "How can I help you, little lady?" He asked courteously, stifling a yawn. "You look all dewy-eyed. I thought you were looking for someone else."

"I… I saw…" Leia started to tell him what had happened, but she felt her throat close and another tear fell. The waterworks were about to really start… Looking alarmed, Alvin reached for her arm but stopped himself before he did something stupid.

"Hey, kid… Are you okay? I didn't know you were…" He paused for a moment, trying to unscramble his thoughts. He felt like he was playing with fire, but he couldn't let her stand outside. With a soft sigh, he moved aside, allowing her access to his room. "Come in." He turned and walked in, kicking aside a few empty liquor bottles to clear a path for her. A bit surprised, she followed him inside.

Except for the trash, it was a very plain room, identical to hers, with a small bed on the very left side and a bathroom all the way to the right. Nothing fancy, just a small and cheap place to stay. Something about it seemed sad to Leia, though, and it wasn't only the mess (HOW do you trash a room in less than four hours?). All of Alvin's things were packed in a little brown bag next to his bed and his weapons were leaned against the wall. The gun was pointing towards the bed—she wasn't sure why she noticed that, but it felt important.

Alvin turned to face Leia with a guarded expression on his face. She wondered for a brief moment if she'd made a mistake by going to him. What if he just thought she was a nuisance? Or worse, what if he thought her problem was stupid? She had almost made up her mind to leave when Alvin finally spoke.

"I really don't know how much help I'll be… But you can tell me anything." His voice was uncharacteristically kind. "…If you want." He added, the volume in his voice dropping lower.

"I… I saw..." Leia wondered one last time whether she should leave before she gathered her nerve and resolved to tell him everything. "Oh, Alvin, I'm so STUPID!"

"Whoa! Th-That's not… what I was expecting." He laughed nervously. "Where's your spunk? The Leia I know would never admit to stupidity. She would try to convince me why the ones that she's angry with are stupid." He sat down on his bed. "And if someone made you cry, Leia, then they ARE stupid…" He sighed, realizing that he'd cut her off. "Sorry. You can continue."

"…I saw Jude and Milla… I thought that I forgot my favorite hat in Jude's room, so I went back to get it…"

"Wait, when were you in Jude's room?" Alvin cut her off a second time before he could stop himself. "That's a bit bold for you."

"Because Rowen and I were talking to him about what's been going on recently." She answered defensively.

"Aw, and I wasn't invited?" He started to tease her but was quickly silenced when another traitorous tear rolled down her cheek. "…You saw Jude and Milla…?" He asked apologetically. He had a sinking feeling that he didn't want to know this…

"They were sleeping together!" She finally blurted, her face turning a darker shade of red. When Alvin didn't respond, she continued. "O-only they weren't SLEEPING."

"O-oh." Alvin stammered, more than a little shocked that the do-gooder had that much nerve. Even though it was a serious matter for Leia, Alvin found himself holding back a grin. She picked up on it, though.

"This is stupid! I'M stupid!" She looked at the door. "I knew—of COURSE I knew—but… I still thought I had a chance… And now! Now I'm doing the DUMBEST thing by bothering you in the middle of the night!" Turning, she strode back to the door. In a flash, Alvin had thrown himself off the bed and grabbed her hand.

"Hey! Hey, hey… I didn't mean to…" He quickly let her go when she looked back at him. "Look, I get that you don't trust me much because of…"

"That's not true." Leia didn't even allow him to finish the sentence. "You know that I trust you. Why ELSE would I be here?"

"…Then why is it so stupid to tell me what's bothering you?" He looked at the floor in an attempt to hide both his embarrassment and guilt. He wasn't sure why he felt these feelings, but he was having trouble fighting them… "Don't get me wrong," He started again. "Jude is an adult. Good for him to have… learned something new." He chuckled softly but quickly continued when Leia's eyes flashed angrily. "But I know how you feel about him…"

"FELT. From now on, it's how I FELT about him!" She sniffled, choking on a hiccough, and walked past him to plop on the bed. "And I might just burn that damn hat!"

"Ooh! Someone's getting feistier by the second." Alvin smiled at her for a moment before sitting back on the bed next to her. "But both of us know it isn't that easy…" There was silence between them as the full weight of what he said and what he meant sunk in before he added in a lighter tone, "After all, that's a nice hat."

Leia snorted and shook her head. She knew that his jokes were an attempt to lighten the mood, but she wasn't ready to be consoled yet, so she forced herself to frown. She was angry and hurt and frustrated… She wasn't ready to let Alvin's lame jokes wash away her pain.

"The hat is the least of my problems." She muttered stubbornly, sniffing and wiping at her eyes.

Alvin leaned backwards and grabbed a handkerchief from the other side of his bed. "Here." He said softly, handing it to her. "Stop wiping your nose on your jacket." She hadn't realized that she had been doing such a thing until he mentioned it.

"…Thanks." She whispered, taking the cloth from him. As the minutes ticked by, she was becoming more and more embarrassed. Not only was she crying in front of Alvin, she was using his handkerchief… and he wasn't even making fun of her for it! She didn't know what to think…

"You got really quiet…" After a few minutes had passed, Alvin spoke up again. "If you're feeling better then you should go to bed, kiddo. Good children should be asleep this late."

"Stop that!" She snapped, slamming her fist on the bed. "I'm not a little kid! So stop calling me that!"

"Of course you're a kid." Alvin's voice lost its humor. "Only a kid would come to a grown man's room in the middle of the night like this. I'd say you threw caution to the wind, but that isn't even the case. You didn't even THINK that I could do something, did you?" He paused, noting the fear showing on her face. His expression softened and he patted her on the head. "See? You're still a kid… But there's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it while you can."

"I'm not a kid…" She grumbled, but all anger was gone when she realized something… She'd stopped crying. Just like that. "Here." She held the handkerchief out to him.

"Um… You go ahead and keep that." He eyed it with disgust. "Or give it back when you wash it…" The last part was said under his breath, but Leia caught it anyway.

"Ugh! Why are you such a jerk?" She put the cloth in her pocket. "…I'll return it next time."

"Next time?" He asked incredulously. "Do you plan on another late night visit? I think I'll pass."

"…Am I bothering you, then?" She asked quietly. "Tell me honestly, Alvin."

He took a deep breath before answering. "That's not what I meant. I'd rather you came here than cry on your own… But maybe you should talk to Elize… Or Muzet. You know, a girl…"

"Elize is too young to talk about his, and Muzet—REALLY? You can IMAGINE all the things wrong with that scenario…"

Alvin winced. As funny as that would be to watch, he knew that Leia had a point. That wouldn't end well for anyone.

"And Rowan and Gaius AND Ludger are all men too." She continued. "So, according to you, I couldn't talk to anyone at all!" She crossed her arms. "Besides, I don't want everyone to see me cry."

Alvin almost asked why she would let HIM see her cry, but he thought better of it. He wasn't sure he could handle the answer… Instead, he sighed and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't seem to understand what a precarious position that she was putting him in. He shuddered to think what would happen if anyone knew she was in his room—ON HIS BED—this late at night. Was she trying to get him killed?

"…Alvin? Are you even listening to me?" Leia's annoyed voice cut into his thoughts.

"Geez, girl. I'm thinking!" He snapped, putting his hands over his face. She had a very good point, but it didn't make things any easier for Alvin. He knew that she needed him, but… As much as he insisted that she was just a child… There were times that he found it very hard to see her as one… No, he couldn't let himself think about that.

_She's sixteen. She's eleven years younger than me. She's a KID. _He told himself firmly. _But she needs someone to turn to when things get rough…_

"Well?" Leia had been watching him very carefully as he tried to deal with his internal dilemma.

"I think it might be best to talk to Rowen." Alvin finally spoke, sitting up.

"But you said—"I know what I said." He cut her off impatiently. "But he's more like a… fatherly figure, right?" _Grandfatherly, more like…_ But he kept that thought to himself. "So it's not the same. You'll be safe talking to him."

"Safe? Why wouldn't I be safe talking to you?" She obviously didn't understand the problem, so Alvin pondered over how much he should tell her.

_I'm occasionally attracted to you. _He smiled bitterly as the thought entered his mind. _Nope. Definitely can't say that. It's not true—it CAN'T be true. She's just a kid._

"…People will kill me if they find out that you were here so late." He said slowly. "They'll THINK that something is going on even if it isn't." He watched as understanding and embarrassment took over her face. "They wouldn't think that if you talked to Rowen."

"But why? Why is Rowen so different?" Leia demanded, crossing her arms and frowning. Alvin almost couldn't take it—to see her trying to take up for him like that. He felt like a part of his heart was breaking…

"Because I'm a shady guy." He forced a grin on his face, hating how true the statement was but keeping it to himself. Leia, in response, punched him in the arm. "Ow!" He cried. "What was that for?!"

"You act like you're the devil or something. You've messed up, sure, but you're not so bad." She stood up and sighed, luckily missing the yearning expression on Alvin's face. "So you don't want to talk to me about this, huh?"

"That's not what I'm saying." He replied honestly. "Just… when it's late at night, go to Rowen I'm here for you whenever you need me DURING THE DAY." He tried to stress the importance of the last part as much as he could.

"Oh." She smiled, seeming relieved. "Well, thank you… For everything. I… I thought I'd lose my mind if I didn't have anyone to turn to… You really helped me tonight." She slowly walked to the door.

"Hey!" Alvin jumped up and rushed over to her. "I'm sorry if I… I mean, I'm just trying to save my own bacon here, and… I don't want people to think that…" He stumbled over his words, trying to explain.

"I know." This time her smile was radiant, and Alvin thought again that it was very dangerous for her to be here so late. "I'll be more careful next time, okay? And… I can still talk to you during the day, right?"

"Of course." He pinched her cheek playfully. "Don't think you can get rid of me so easily, brat! And you'll owe me after this—just so you know."

"Shut up, jerk-face! You already owed me! Now we're even." She slapped his hand away and laughed, unknowingly forcing him to laugh as well. He really couldn't resist her…

"All right, all right. Now get to bed." He opened the door and gently pushed her out, surprising himself with his own reluctance. "And no more crying! You'll get wrinkles!"

"Nuh-uh!" She cried indignantly, punching his arm again. "You're such a jerk…" But she was smiling as she went back to her room.

Alvin shut the door and leaned against it, the smile dropping from his face. "Now we're even, huh?" He whispered to himself. "If only…" Grabbing his last bottle of bourbon, he made his way back to his bed.

He was confused—really confused. He had cheered her up, so he should feel good about it… But all he felt was an all-too-familiar desire. At least he'd fought it off and kept her safe… from his own damn self.

"She's a KID." He told himself for the millionth time before taking a huge gulp. "Shit… She's a KID! Get a grip…"

Alvin wondered briefly if it was because Leia had woke him up from a dream about HER—Presa. He had never thought that he loved her before, but now that she was dead… He couldn't save her… But he couldn't tell if he felt love or guilt. He didn't really understand what love WAS.

"It must be because of Presa—not Leia… I'm not in my right mind—I wouldn't feel anything for a child." He tried desperately to sort though the jumbled mess that was his feelings. "Shit…" He said again, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Even as he tried to convince himself of this, he pictured Leia. The tears had made her eyes bright and pleading… Her lips were chapped and swollen, but that just drew his eyes to them. He liked seeing her hair, however messy it was… She should get rid of that hat… Her cheeks were rosy, and she looked so… so…

Alive.

"There will be a special place in hell for people like me… And I get the feeling that she'll be the death of me…" Feeling defeated and utterly exhausted, Alvin closed his eyes and forced himself to go back to sleep.

Chapter 1 ~ END


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alvin was tired. Not only had Leia woke him up late, he found that he couldn't sleep well after everything that had transpired. The little amount of sleep that he had been able to capture had been plagued with nightmares. It wasn't even light yet when he pulled himself out of bed and got dressed.

It was colder outside than he remembered from the night before; although, the snow never left Kanbalar. Alvin had pulled out his favorite brown coat, but the wind seemed to cut through it like it was nothing but a jacket. He pulled gloves over his hands and put his scarf over the bottom half of his face, hoping to keep warm. It didn't help.

Taking his sword and gun with him, he decided to walk to the temple near town. He didn't expect to run into any monsters, but he could never be too careful. When he'd traveled alone, he had learned an important lesson: there was nothing more humiliating than having to run away, or worse, be saved.

Alvin walked quietly, watching the stream from his breath drift away into the dark. He made a conscious effort not to think of the two people that tormented his thoughts the night before—the two women that he couldn't bear to hurt, and the two women whom he'd hurt more than anyone. He watched the snow and the trees and the people, but was determined not to let his mind approach that taboo topic.

Naturally, he failed.

Presa had been the closest thing that he'd ever had to a real relationship. She was the only woman that he'd ever stayed with after the time of flirting was over. Sure, he'd slept with many women, but he'd never even bothered to remember their names… And he certainly never spoke to them again.

And Leia… was his friend; she was a person in whom he could confide—whom he TRUSTED. He didn't have any other friends like her. She would text him and call him and visit him… She always seemed to find the times when he was feeling at his lowest—alone and guilty—to do something unexpected. Her texts made him smile (even when he didn't understand them); her calls made him laugh; and her visits… Her visits made him feel ALIVE. She had so much energy, so much SPUNK… He couldn't get enough.

They were so different. Presa was sly and cunning but often subtle; she never came out and said what she truly felt. She was difficult to read yet very bold when things became more physical.

Leia was more open and forth-coming when it came to her thoughts and feelings. She failed at all forms of subtlety, but she was always brimming with energy, bright, and often-times temperamental—especially when things didn't go the way she planned. She was like the sun, so warm and wonderful, shining so brilliantly, but Alvin felt like he would burn up if he let himself become too close. She thawed his heart but burned his skin.

WHY would Leia come up to him for help like that? Didn't she know the danger she was putting herself in? Couldn't she see his reaction to her warmth? Couldn't she see that he craved more than she could ever give?

'_Because she's a stupid kid who never stops and thinks of the consequences. She probably doesn't even realize how I feel…' _He silently answered his own questions. _'She doesn't notice how addictive she is to me… She doesn't know how desperately I have to hold back…'_

Feeling bitter and hopeless, Alvin reached the temple and pulled open the door. It was a solitary place since the two caretakers had left the year before, but Alvin always stopped by when he was in town He liked how quiet it was; after all, silence was something that he was used to—not that he was always quiet when he snuck there. He went there to think, and sometimes, to vent. No one else ever went there, so it was a safe haven for him and his deepest, most secret thoughts and feelings.

That particular morning, Alvin was too exhausted to do much of anything. He took a seat in a pew near the back of the temple and stared at the wall before him. Too drained to form a coherent thought, he mostly saw images in his mind's eye. Presa's face—her hand while he clung to her and tried to pull her up from the cliff side… Leia's body, lying broken and bloody from the gunshot wound in her back… Jude's rage as he punched him over and over… He didn't deserve to be near Leia after what he'd done… And he'd never have the opportunity to see Presa again…

These weren't happy thoughts, to be sure, but they were the ones that continually ate away at his mind and conscious. He was too tired to battle with them anymore—it was so much easier just to give in to them…

He was only roused from his stupor when the door opened behind him nearly three hours later. He hadn't noticed the sunlight coming in the windows until then, so he was surprised when it flooded the room.

King Gaius was just as startled to see Alvin as he was to see Gaius. With only a moment's hesitation, the older man walked into the room and let the door shut behind him, a freezing gust of wind nearly slamming it shut.

"What are you doing here?" Gaius asked, sitting down next to Alvin. "Everyone is looking for you."

"They are?" He whispered guiltily. "Are we ready to leave?"

"They're going to eat first." Gaius explained patiently. "Then we will depart."

"I see…"

They both sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes, neither knowing what to say.

"…Leia has been particularly worried about you." Gaius said cautiously. "Did you two fight?"

"No, we didn't fight." Alvin was surprised, but after a moment, he chuckled softly; it held no humor. "If she was worried, she could have just texted me."

"She's been fidgeting since she got out of bed." The raven-haired kind sighed and crossed his arms. "And you seem sad yourself. If you didn't fight, then what happened?"

"It's a long story…" Alvin looked away to hide his pained expression. He didn't want anyone to know what was going on. Besides, it wasn't his secret to tell. Luckily for him, Gaius was thoughtful enough to drop the subject. After another minute or two of silence, he rose.

"Let's go back. We'll eat breakfast before we set off." The older man said with an air of authority.

With one last sigh, Alvin heaved himself to his feet and followed Gaius out the door, mentally steeling himself for what was to come. He knew that it wouldn't be pleasant.

Leia was having an awful day, and it was only about 7 o' clock in the morning. First, she had a hard time sleeping, so she was tired and grumpy. Then, she was awakened by the one person that she wanted the LEAST to see—Milla. When she decided to ignore her and eat breakfast with the only person who knew what was going on, she found out that he had left early in the morning and had yet to return.

Pacing back and forth in the room next to where the others were dining, Leia sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. She refused to eat with those two by herself, and, even though everyone but Alvin and Gaius were there, she was still alone in her new-found knowledge.

The last thing Leia wanted to do was to let everyone know what she'd seen. Not only could it tarnish Jude's reputation, it would prove to everyone that she'd been a fool for believing that she had a chance with him to begin with. She honestly didn't think she could sit with the two of them and NOT give anything away.

So Leia waited, like she always had; only this time she waited for Alvin instead of Jude.

After what seemed like ages, the front door opened, and Alvin and Gaius walked in. Leia resisted the temptation to yell at her best friend, but it was a hard-fought victory. She felt frazzled and bewildered at how anxious she had been without him there, even though it had only been about an hour since she'd realized that he was missing. It was a new feeling—she'd never been so lost without a person before, not even with Jude. Of course, she'd never had to keep a secret from all of her friends before either. Alvin had become her confidante, and she needed him there or… Or she'd go crazy.

"Alvin!" She cried softly, taking a step towards him. She had to bite back the demands that were on the tip of her tongue. "Everyone already started eating." Her laugh was painfully fake, but it was better than showing him how desperate she had actually been.

"Well, that wasn't very nice!" Alvin's grin came more naturally as he teased the others. As inconspicuously as he could, he brushed his fingers over her hand in support, meeting her eyes for a split second, before he joined the rest of them at the table.

As careful as he had been, the little movement had been noticed by two members of their entourage. Gaius and Rowen shared a curious glance—and Rowen stifled a laugh—but neither said anything. Instead, Gaius walked to the table and joined the group, as quiet and menacing as he always seemed to be.

"Where have you been, Alvin?" Jude asked as he put a bite into his mouth. "You've been gone for a while."

"There was a little lady that I decided to meet up with—do you want to hear the juicy details?" He replied, the lie rolling off of his tongue more naturally than any form of truth would have.

"Is that so…?" Gaius spoke up, crossing his arms. "I didn't see anyone."

"Y-you just missed her." Alvin assured him, trying to act nonchalantly but finding it hard. He was mentally kicking himself for forgetting that Gaius was there. "Woulda' been real awkward if you'd showed up a few minutes earlier, so that's for the best." He kept his eyes glued on Jude's face, watching as it turned a nice shade of red. He couldn't believe the kid bought that…

"W-we don't need to know the details." The younger boy said hastily. "We were just wondering where you'd been."

"How long have you known me? You shoulda' known that it was something like that." He sat down next to Jude, saving Leia from having to sit there. He grinned and put a large forkful of eggs in his mouth. "Hey, this is good!" He was surprised at just how hungry he was.

Leia sat down next to him, trying to hide her smile. He was so full of it. She happened to know when he was bluffing, and the way he touched her hand to reassure her… He certainly hadn't been with a woman; he had probably been sulking over something…

"You're such a kid." She muttered, grinning when he glared at her.

"You're one to talk, Miss Flat-chest." He retorted, laughing when she crossed her arms over her chest and cried out.

"T-they're growing! Leave me alone!" She shouted at him, her face growing redder with each word. "And even if I'm on the… small side… A true gentleman would never say such a thing! You're nothing but a fake! A liar! A no-good pervert!"

"Hey, hey! You're the one who started the name-calling! I was just telling the TRUTH! YOU'RE the one who lied! In what way am I a kid?!" He shot back.

Neither of them noticed the interested looks that were being shared around the table. Rowen was covering his mouth to hide his grin, and Elize wore an expression of amazement and horror. Only Jude seemed to be truly bothered by it, though, and even he didn't know why.

For some reason, Jude's stomach was tying in knots as he watched the two of them. He was furious. What right did Alvin have to act so close to Leia? That thought was all he could hear.

"Is this the human flirting system?" Milla spoke up in interest. "I know a little more about it now, but this method seems different than I am used to... DO you two plan to cultivate affection through play fighting?"

"A-affection?!" Both Alvin and Leia slid their chairs away from each other.

"M-me and this jerk?!"

"She's just a kid!" Alvin found himself not only blushing but sweating bullets. If everyone figured out that she had been in his room the night before… No one would bother listening to the truth.

_They would string me up by my intestines… Or worse. _ He thought drily, trying to hide his discomfort.

"Hm… Really?" Milla looked disappointed. "It seemed there was enough sexual tension to conclude…" But neither of them heard the rest of the sentence. Alvin had been trying to take a drink of water, which he choked on, and Leia slammed her head down on the table in humiliation.

"There's nothing like that between us!" Leia let out a strangled cry.

Alvin couldn't even protest what had been said because he was still choking, coughing, and sputtering. As embarrassed as she was, Leia still patted his back, trying to help. Jude looked at the two of them for a moment before pushing his plate away from him.

"I'm going for a walk." He stated, rising from the table. Not even bothering to address the confused looks, he left.

After a few more minutes of shocked, rude, and/or teasing comments, Rowen explained to Milla that she couldn't say such things. She seemed bewildered but agreed (albeit reluctantly) not to speak of sexual tension again in Elize's presence.

For a few minutes, Leia worried that Milla might say something about what had happened the night before. She obviously didn't shy away from such topics, but luckily, the Lord of Spirits didn't. Leia wasn't sure why she didn't want anyone else to know, but she didn't.

It felt like a lifetime, but finally everyone but Alvin, Leia, and Gaius left the room. With so much excitement, two of the three hadn't eaten yet.

"Wow… Gaius, you eat A LOT, don't you?" Leia spoke up after watching him wolf down two plates of eggs, six pieces of bacon, and a bowl full of rice. "Where do you put it all?"

Gaius paused for a moment to glare at her. "I'm HUNGRY." He said simply before grabbing another bowl of rice.

"I can see that." She laughed incredulously. "You're starting to regain your appetite too, huh, jerk-face?" She turned to Alvin.

"Hey, hey. No need for name-calling." He chuckled, having finally recovered from his choking fit. "And what do you expect? I have to keep my energy up." He gave her a meaningful look. "You… don't seem to be eating much. Aren't you hungry?"

"I was, but… Now I don't know." She murmured, looking down at her plate. "I must be getting sick or something… But I'll be okay."

Suddenly Gaius pushed his plate away from him and leaned forward. "I don't think that you're getting sick." He said slowly. "I think you're not good with secrets—neither of you are. So why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Both of them said in unison.

Gaius narrowed his eyes and stared at the two of them for minute or two before sighing. "Fine, don't tell me. But know that if it's something serious, I WILL find out."

"It's not-"Alvin started automatically but stopped when Leia kicked him under the table.

"…All right then." The older man got up and walked out of the door without another word.

After a few moments, Leia rounded on Alvin and snapped, "Don't give hints!"

"Yeah… I'm sorry…" He grumbled, rubbing his newly hurt leg. "It's not my secret to tell…"


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, before I get started, I want to thank everyone who decided to follow this story, favorite it, and/or review. I'm not good at this sort of thing, so I don't respond very often, but I really do appreciate it! Every time I almost forget about the story, or I get all side tracked with life, I'll get an e-mail that has a wonderful review on it, and I immediately want to write again. Thanks, guys! You're the best!

Chapter 3

"Is everyone ready?" Milla called out, looking around to make sure the whole group was there. The plan was to split into two groups and travel to Marksburg. They would meet up there before continuing their journey via boat to Elympios. Unfortunately for some of them, Ludger was the one who decided the teams, and he chose Gaius, Muzet, and Elize to go with him. That meant Alvin and Leia would be traveling with Jude, Milla, and Rowen.

"Yes, Lady Milla, we are prepared." Rowen smiled at her. The old man turned to Elize for a moment, leaning in to adjust her backpack.

"Elize isn't a KID anymore, Rowen!" Teepo, her stuffed flying doll whined. "We can take care of ourselves!"

"You can't blame this old man for worrying." Rowen chuckled good-naturedly. "I just want to make sure you'll be all right."

"You look like a doting grandpa." Alvin grinned, walking up to them. "But maybe he has a point, Elize. No talking to strangers, now, and be sure to watch your step—it'd be awfully embarrassing to fall in that." He gestured to her skirt.

"Shut up, you jerk!" Elize cried, her face coloring slightly. "I certainly don't need YOUR help, and I WON'T fall!"

"Now, now, Alvin." Rowen chastised. "You shouldn't tease Elize so much." He turned back to the young girl and his worried expression returned for just a moment. "Do promise you'll be careful, though, young miss. I don't think this old heart could take it if something were to happen."

"We'll be fine." Teepo assured him, seeming to bounce in mid air.

"I'll be careful, Rowen." She smiled before running to catch up with Ludger and the rest of her party.

Alvin was sad to see them go, but it was nothing compared to Rowen's forlorn expression. As if feeling his gaze, Rowen faced him.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe she's growing up so quickly…" He sighed dramatically, putting his arms behind his back. When he didn't say anything else, Alvin began to fidget. He'd long forgotten what it was like to have a real family. He almost felt envious of the teenager for the worry that she was being shown. Rowen really HAD become like a grandfather to her in the last year.

When the man spoke again, it was to issue a challenge. "So, do you wish to tell me what is going on with you and Leia, or should I just figure it out myself?" The silence after this sentence was no longer filled with envy—Elize could keep the nosy old fart for herself!

"There's nothing going on." Alvin snapped, annoyed with people asking about it as if there was a deeper meaning… Well, there WAS a deeper meaning, but he hadn't done anything wrong. He refused to let himself be ashamed for helping his friend.

"Find out for myself it is." Rowen seemed much too cheerful at the prospect of learning a secret. Alvin's confidence faded as quickly as it had appeared.

"There's really nothing! Why do people keep insisting that something happened?" He demanded, trying not to let his nerves show and failing. "What exactly do you THINK happened?"

"I'm not sure yet…" Rowen answered honestly, frowning. "My guess is that something upset Leia, and you offered her support. This is merely conjecture, of course, but the way you've both been acting suggests something of that nature. The only question is: why would that need to be kept a secret?"

"I grow tired of this, old man." Rowen's observation had been too close to the truth, and Alvin finally lost his temper. "I've done nothing wrong." His voice held no sign of its usual humor.

"I never suggested that you'd done anything wrong." Rowen seemed truly startled, making Alvin feel guilty for his outburst. "I only wondered what happened to leave you both so shaken… And what I can do to help."

"There's nothing you can do to help." Alvin sighed, exhausted from trying to cover things up. "Besides, it isn't actually my secret…"

"Is that so…?" Rowen's brow furrowed as he attempted to figure out whose secret it could be and why it would affect Alvin and Leia in such a way. He couldn't quiet put the pieces together, though—he was still missing too much information. Instead of prying further, he just fixed another amused smile on his face. "Well, as long as nothing inappropriate happened, it'll be fine."

This time, Alvin walked away, secretly rolling his eyes. He refused to take any more bait that the old man dangled in front of his face. He was done dropping hints to ease his conscience. He had already said too much… Besides, if he said anything else, there could only be two outcomes: Rowen would figure out that Jude and Milla had spent a night together (and Leia would exact revenge on Alvin for telling), or he would think that the secret had a whole lot more to do with Alvin and Leia than it really did. If the second option were to be assumed, Alvin wouldn't survive the day. The entire secret business was getting way out of hand, and the only person in danger was Alvin—and he hadn't DONE anything. Hell, he hadn't been laid in—

_ Aaaaaand that's where I end THAT train of thought…_

Leia was being very careful with everyone. Alvin had almost spilled the beans earlier that morning, but she'd stopped him in time. After a little chat with him about _ripping his testicles off and force feeding them to him_, she was fairly certain that he wouldn't tell. She still had to worry about herself, though. What if SHE were to slip up? Secretly weren't exactly her cup of tea, after all…

"I don't understand, Jude. Why does it even matter to you?" Leia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard Milla's voice. Panicking, she froze in place, hoping the new couple wouldn't notice her. Quickly, she slipped out of the city gate and waited for the two to pass her by. She had no such luck.

"Because she's my friend—I have to look out for her!" Jude sounded frustrated. "She doesn't know anything about men. She probably believes that he honestly likes her. She's too naïve to know the truth!"

"What if he really does like her?" Milla countered. Leia briefly wondered who they were talking about.

"He has no right!" Jude practically shouted.

"Well, why do you assume that she likes HIM? Alvin and Leia have been friends for a while now. Why should it suddenly change?"

Leia snapped to attention when she heard her name. Were they arguing about her? Wait… Jude thought that she liked Alvin? Anger coiled in her stomach, and she paid more attention to the conversation.

"This is different. They never excluded us before. I'm worried that things will get away from her—that she'll give him too much…" He sighed. "Alvin is NOT the kind of guy she should fall for. He'll use her and then leave her hanging out to dry."

It took everything Leia had not to jump out fro her hiding place and beat Jude until he stopped moving. How DARE he try to protect her when HE had caused the predicament that she was in! How DARE he assume that she couldn't take care of herself! And how DARE he talk about Alvin that way! She tried to take a deep breath and count to five, but she barely made it to three when she heard a new noise—a moan.

"M-Milla, we're in public! You can't do that!" Jude hissed, suddenly breathless.

"I'm tired of worrying about Leia. Let's talk about us for a little while…"

That was IT! Leia couldn't take it anymore. As quietly and as quickly as she could, she crawled away from the scene, fighting new tears. What an ASS! He condemned Alvin and, in the same breath, shoved another dagger through her heart.

_You shouldn't have listened in… _Her mind screamed at her, but she didn't regret it. The more she heard from Jude, the less she wanted anything to do with him. If she hadn't listened, she would have never known.

She crawled in the snow until she could no longer feel her arms and legs. It was a bad idea to wander this far outside the city without anyone else, but she wasn't thinking clearly. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The pain was so fresh… Determination and will power just weren't enough to drown it.

Why would Jude think he had the right to control who she liked when he'd already chosen another? Even if she hadn't known the truth about him and Milla, he STILL couldn't do such a thing. And to make matters worse, he had jumped to conclusions about her and Alvin…

Alvin…

Alvin had messed up on more than one occasion, but he was _trying. _ He hadn't done anything but help in so long… He was doing everything he could—not only to help but to start new and do the right thing. Did he have to die to please them?

_Jude wasn't always so perfect either…_ Leia thought, stopping her retreat and pulling her knees up to her chin. She spared a quick glance to her surroundings. No one but monsters was around, and as long as she stayed still, they didn't seem to notice her. She knew that it was only a matter of time, though. She needed to meet up with the others soon or she'd freeze before the monsters ever posed a threat.

Alvin's face popped into her and she went still. She remembered the look of guilt and sorrow and horror at what he'd done. He immediately said that he hadn't meant to do it, hadn't meant to shoot her. He looked so scared…

How could Jude not understand how hard Alvin was trying to make it up to them? Besides, if she, the victim, could forgive him, then why couldn't Jude?

And why did he assume that Leia had feelings for Alvin? What proof did he have? Alvin and Jude were both her best friends. She'd drifted away from Jude since he'd fallen for Milla, and she'd gotten closer to Alvin. There had never been anything to suggest more than friendship, though, had there? True, she worried about him and wanted him happy. And sure, she felt sad and lonely when he wasn't there… And every now and then she felt a strange warmth in her chest when she thought of him…

_Hm… I wonder what that warmth… means…_ Her mind was becoming sluggish, so she leaned back against a tree for support. _But it's not the same… I love Jude. If I liked Alvin, wouldn't it feel the same…?_

Everyone was getting worried. Leia was supposed to meet with them about an hour ago, but she never showed up. The group had eventually split up to look for her, agreeing to text each other if they had any information.

Alvin had found Leia's phone right outside of town—that was when it really hit him that she may be in danger. He decided to leave town and search. He knew the others would argue, but they didn't know Leia like he did. He couldn't shake the feeling of urgency that pushed him forward—something was definitely wrong. What had Jude done this time…?

He walked for nearly ten minutes in the bitter cold, mentally cursing the girl and praying that he was mistaken, before he saw her. She was sitting against a tree and hugging her knees, wearing only her shorts and button-up shirt.

"Leia!" He cried out, running to her. Pushing his panic and fear aside, he immediately took off his coat and threw it over her shoulders. She felt so cold…

"Leia, if you freeze to death, I'll KILL you!" He growled, picking her up and running full speed back to town.

Leia was suddenly very uncomfortable. She had been so cozy before someone picked her up and started to run. Her chin kept hitting a buckle of some sort and her cheek was smashing against a shirt button. She tried to push away from whoever it was carrying her, but it only made the person strengthen their hold.

"We need medical attention!" A breathless voice shouted in her ear. She winced at how loud it was and tried to figure out why the voice sounded so familiar.

Once again, she was being moved. A door creaked and she was put down on something soft and covered with mounds of itchy cloth. As the minutes ticked by, she began to realize that she was very, very cold… She couldn't remember ever being so cold…

"Leia, it'll be okay…" Alvin's voice made her eyes blink—it was surprisingly hard to do with the ice and snow she was finding in her eyelashes. She tried to ask him what happened, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she bit her tongue—she was shivering.

Other voices started to say things to Leia but she didn't even glance at the new people. Her hands and feet were beginning to burn, which made her start to realize how long it had been since she could feel them. Blood from her bitten tongue trickled down her chin, and she watched Alvin scramble to clean it up with a handkerchief.

"A-A-Alv-vin…" She stammered, shivers wracking her entire body.

"Sshh… Leia… You're okay." Alvin's voice was so soft, so worried… He brought his face close to hers and placed his hands on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and sighed softly, enjoying how warm his hands felt on her frigid skin.

"D-don't l-listen…" She began, remembering what she wanted to say. "T-they… j-jerks!" She had to really focus on the few words that she could say. She grabbed one of his hands and looked him in the eye. "Don't l-l-listen!"

"Leia…" He whispered her name and stared at where her hands met his. His heart was pounding in his ears and his emotions were swirling. "Kid, what are you talking about?" His voice never rose, but he held her hand tighter. "Don't worry about me right now. Worry about you… You almost froze to death out there." He focused on softening his expression and actually managed a smile.

Leia shook her head and tried again—he wasn't getting it. "D-Don't…" She felt tears of anger and frustration and guilt fall down her cheeks. She knew how he would respond to their cruel words, but they were _wrong_. He needed to know.

"Please tell me that you didn't run off into the tundra because you were upset about an insult made to me…" She could barely hear his voice with how low he spoke the words. His gaze seemed to almost caress her, and when he wiped a tear from her cheek, it burned where he had touched. She was too startled to speak—that was new.

The door opened and a very unwelcome couple entered the room. "Is she okay?!" Jude ran over and pushed Alvin out of the way, a little too roughly, reaching towards Leia. She immediately slapped his hand away and scooted back. His face showed hurt, but he ignored it and reached out again.

"Why are you crying?" He shot Alvin a glare that could curdle blood. "I can take it from here." He stated, clearly dismissing the older man.

"I'm sure you could." Alvin replied coolly, but he didn't move. Instead, he looked back to Leia with a guarded expression.

"Rowen, could you escort Alvin out? I can handle this. Leia needs to rest." Jude refused to look at any of them but Leia, who appeared both hurt and furious.

"Alvin…?" Rowen's voice held a very important question, but he didn't vocalize it.

"Leia, just rest, okay?" Alvin said quietly. "We'll talk more later. I know you don't like this kind of attention, but just relax and _don't lose your temper_." He pushed past Jude and gave her a one-armed hug. "If you fight, they'll ask questions." He whispered the last part in her ear. With that, he got up and left the room with Rowan.

Leia realized what his words meant. By slapping Jude's hand and acting so distant, he may figure out that she knew. She wasn't sure she could handle that yet. So she turned her eyes to Jude and focused on keeping her tone light.

"I-I think I WILL rest." She plastered a smile on her face. "M-m-maybe we can talk later."

"What did he say to you? What did he do? You can tell me." Jude wasn't letting her go so easily.

"What did he… do?" Leia looked at him with true confusion. What exactly did he think happened? "He found me. He gave me his coat and he carried me here. He saved me. What do you mean?"

"Is _he _why you ran off? You don't have to lie to me." Jude said gently, and realization hit Leia.

"He didn't do anything!" She snapped, her hands clenching into fists. "I'm not angry with him at all. I think you misunderstood." She took a deep breath and tried to calm her anger.

"Then why were you crying?" He challenged, standing up. He obviously didn't believe her.

"I was scared." She said simply, surprising herself with how easily she twisted a partial truth. Maybe Alvin was influencing her more than she thought… "I almost died today."

"And why did you go outside the gates? Don't tell me you were just going for a stroll." He raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"I… don't like being left alone…" She said carefully. It wasn't a lie either, but she knew he would think she was referring to Ludger, which was fine—anything was better than admitting the truth. She couldn't very well tell him, _I know you had sex with Milla and I'm mad, _could she?

"Leia… It's not like it's personal or anything. I'm sure Ludger didn't mean anything by it." Jude's tone softened and Leia let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. He believed her—thank the stars.

"I know, but I'm never a part of the action anymore…" She continued, keeping an eye on him to gauge his reaction. She would lay it on thick if she needed to; even try to cry, as long as he let the topic of Alvin drop. Still, Jude must have thought she was really childish to believe such a ridiculous lie.

It wasn't long until Jude left, and Leia was alone. Her shivering had stopped, and she felt almost normal again. She was glad to be alive—she hadn't meant to endanger herself; she had just been so upset… She had to remember not to let her emotions control her like that again…


	4. Chapter 4

Two sides of the same story

Chapter 4

Alvin was livid as he stood outside of Leia's door. He had rushed her inside the inn, not knowing where else to go. Rowen had been inside asking about the sixteen-year-old when the two of them bust through the door, so he immediately had backup as he scrambled for blankets. The innkeeper gave them all of the unused wool covers and offered to let her use a spare room. A doctor would have been more useful, but none were in town and, naturally, Jude was nowhere to be found.

Alvin knew it wasn't fair to be angry with Jude for being gone—he had been looking for Leia too, after all—but he wasn't in the mood to be fair. Besides, Leia had definitely heard Jude say something, so it was his fault anyway. His help was too little and too late for Alvin to forgive him.

He was angrier with Leia than he was with Jude. Regardless of how upset she was, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that it was cold in Kanbalar. She NEVER should have went out of town alone with no support and no warm clothing. Forget the monsters, the cold would have killed her before they even noticed she was there. She was always like that—passionate but reckless. No, less recklessness and more lethal stupidity.

More than anyone else, he was pissed at himself. Leia had been upset for HIM. She ran off thinking about HIM and HIS feelings. In what way did he deserve that? Couldn't she understand that he wasn't worth protecting?

"…She didn't even text me…" He mumbled, staring off into space. "She could have come to me—I would've sorted all this out." He continued to the air, his hands shaking with rage and something else… Something that felt an awful lot like fear. He started to pace back and forth in agitation. "She came to me before… Why didn't she do the same this time? She's such an idiot!" He sighed and put his face in his hands.

She could have DIED… She _would_ have died if he hadn't found her. The thought made Alvin's knees buckle, and he quickly sat down on the floor.

He would have been all alone again. He couldn't fathom what life would be like without her—he'd grown too used to having her around… Too attached… And she would have died because of him—because of her childish desire to protect him—someone who didn't deserve it. That desire, coupled with her unstable emotions and her stubborn refusal to ask for help could have been her final mistake.

A shuffle of feet came from behind him and Rowen cleared his throat. Alvin had forgotten he was there. How much had he said aloud…?

"There are times," The old man began slowly, calculating his words, "that a person withholds information in order to protect another. It seems as though she felt the need to protect you from something, Alvin…"

"I didn't ask for protection!" He snapped his head up and glared at Rowen.

"It appears that you didn't have to." Rowen smiled in response, but the smile quickly dropped when he thought about how close they had been to losing Leia. "Also… About Jude's reaction… I hope you'll forgive him. He was merely worried, I'm sure."

"Yeah, he's scared I'll betray her… Again." Alvin whispered, letting the familiar feeling of guilt wrap itself around his heart. He felt a sharp pain inside him when he remembered how close he'd come to killing her the year before. "I don't blame him… I've really screwed up—and I've hurt her once before… I didn't mean to—I never meant to, but… Intention doesn't matter. What's done is done and I can never make it up to her—I can never make amends."

"That is in the past, Alvin." Rowen said soothingly. "You have more than proven yourself as an ally."

"It doesn't erase the past."

"It doesn't need to erase anything. You are our ally, Alvin. You may have fallen at one point, but you have risen since then. How long will you continue to suffer over a mistake for which you have _been _forgiven? SHE forgave you, Alvin." Rowen squeezed his shoulder. "Now, enough of this. You are too quick to condemn yourself, my young friend."

"Rowen… She could have died today…" Alvin's eyes were haunted as he stared into Rowen's calm ones.

"But she didn't, and that's thanks to you." Rowen said simply.

"Rowen… I wish I could just tell you everything and let you sort it out. I'm not properly equipped for all of this—I don't have the mind for the complicated shit…" Alvin blurted out.

"Are you referring to the secret which is not yours?" Rowen asked slowly, his interest piqued. "If you wish to tell me, then I shall listen diligently. I'll not tell another soul."

"No…" Alvin sighed, crossing his arms. "Leia made it painfully clear what would happen to me if I told. That girl can be really scary, you know." He laughed as he leaned against the wall next to Leia's door.

"Alvin, should we go somewhere else to talk? Leia will be alright—we don't have to wait here. The young miss is quite resilient."

"No." He answered stubbornly, taking a seat on the floor. "I'm not leaving… But you don't have to stay here, old man. I'm better now." He pulled out a handkerchief and started to clean his pistol absent-mindedly. He didn't even notice when Rowen took a seat next to him.

The two of them stayed that way in silence for at least five minutes before the door to Leia's room opened and a very disgruntled Jude stepped out. Alvin tried not to be angry, but just seeing the young boy made his blood boil.

"Why are you still here?" Jude grumbled, scowling. "She's fine—just tired. You don't need to stay here."

"I'm not going anywhere." Alvin said quietly, not even looking up from his weapon.

"Alvin, she doesn't want you here." Jude lied, not realizing that both Alvin and Rowen knew better.

"Kid, I'm not doing this right now." He spoke up before Rowen had a chance to, knowing that the old man had seen through the lie as well.

"You need to leave." The sixteen-year-old was nothing if not persistent. "I don't know what happened, but I know it has something to do with you."

"Check again, you little asshole." Alvin could feel his control slipping as his anger rose to the surface. "I know exactly why she's like this, and it has nothing to do with me. I'm her SUPPORT."

"…Then why don't you tell me what's going on?" Jude looked properly guilty, but Alvin knew it wasn't over.

"Because she asked me not to—commanded, really—told me that she'd feed me parts of my body that I'd like to keep." He answered, his voice thick with sarcasm, fueled by both anger and humor. "Somehow, I believe her threat." Jude winced before walking up to the two.

"…Is it really that big of a secret?" He sat down next to Rowen.

"You have no idea…" Alvin chuckled at the irony of it all. If Jude realized that the secret was actually HIS, what would he do? Would he be angry that Alvin knew—that Leia had told him? Would he try to patch things up with Leia?

_Would he allow her to move on?_

Alvin couldn't understand why it was so imperative, but the thought of Jude making Leia fall for him again made him itch to shoot the boy in the head and be done with it. For years, he'd been stringing Leia along—before Alvin had even met her. For a girl with such spunk, such spirit, such LIFE to be crushed underfoot by one whom she loved so dearly… His gun hand twitched, and he had to fight for control. If he took Jude out of the equation, Leia would never forgive him. That life and energy that he craved so much would be gone forever. He took a deep breath and set the gun on the ground next to him. He must be going insane to have ever even considered such a thing. After all, Jude was his friend too—regardless of how much of a dick he could be.

"Alvin? Are you quite all right? You've stopped listening to us…" Rowen's voice broke into his thoughts.

"I'm peachy." Alvin replied curtly. He gave the old man a small smile, though, trying to lessen the impact of his tone. "I'm exhausted and I'm worried. That brat is such a hothead… She never thinks things through. When she's happy, she's dancing and cheering; when she's sad, she burst into tears; when she angry, she'll destroy everything; and when she's hurt… I can't tell what she'll do… I can't read her."

"She isn't a book, Alvin." Jude said softly, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Thank the spirits for small miracles." Alvin grinned, picturing a thousand-page book. "I was never much for reading." All of them laughed at that.

"Alvin… I lied… She didn't say that she didn't want you here…" Jude whispered meekly, his face turning a brilliant crimson. "I'm sorry."

"No shit." Alvin laughed again, reaching over and slapping Jude on the arm. "I forgive you, kid. Just… give her a little space, okay? She's dealing with a lot of stuff right now."

"…Does it involve me somehow? Is that why she's acting like this?" Alvin could see the puzzle pieces in Jude's head coming together as he asked this—damn kid was too smart for his own good.

"No comment on that." Alvin turned away. "I'm just telling you not to suffocate her."

"I'll… try not to." Jude didn't seem pleased with Alvin's reply, but he knew better than to press further. He wasn't getting any more information out of Alvin, so he'd have to figure it out himself. "…So how does any of this involve you? Why should _you _care?"

"Because!" Alvin started defensively before catching himself and taking a deep breath, thinking better of the words ready to fly from his mouth. "Leia is my friend. If she needs help, I want to be there for her." He said carefully.

"Yeah, but why would you take her side if it involves me too? Aren't we friends?"

_Dammit! This kid is too damn smart…_

"It's the damsel in distress thing." Alvin didn't miss a beat. "Jude, you may be a little on the girly side, but she'll still take precedence every time." He grinned and shrugged his shoulder as Jude scowled.

"I guess I should have known that… You always said you couldn't leave a girl in trouble…" Jude conceded. "But, for some reason, this feels… different. You aren't normally so… I don't know… Protective?"

"You aren't normally so emotionally involved." Rowen offered, smiling when Jude slammed one fist into his other hand and nodded emphatically.

"Exactly! You normally just help and then walk away."

"I told you, she's my friend. I never really had that before—not before last year. So it IS different." He glared at the two of them.

"No, Rowen's right. You're really emotional—mostly angry, but still…" Jude murmured thoughtfully. "…You don't… LIKE her, do you?" He looked both surprised and furious as the thought occurred to him.

"W-what? Dude, she's a child." Alvin said quickly, holding his breath and hoping that Jude didn't notice that his voice sounded a little higher than usual. To his relief, Jude's expression cleared and he laughed.

"Well, yeah. Compared to you, she is. Sorry about that. I guess I'm overthinking things again. I must be tired." He stood up and stretched. "Well, sorry about what I said earlier. I don't even know why I said it… But I'm gonna hit the sack. Night, Alvin. Night, Rowen." With that, he walked away.

"…If you want to lie to the others, you might wish to do so more convincingly." Rowen said quietly after Jude was gone.

"Lie about what?"

"I may be old, but I'm still as observant as I've ever been." Rowen chuckled before turning serious. "I've seen how you look at her, Alvin. I see the change happening in both of you. I don't think she's noticed yet, but you've begun to… haven't you?"

"The way I look at her? Rowen, she's just a…" But his voice trailed off at the intense stare Rowen was directing at him.

"Do you really think I'd believe that? I've been where you are, Alvin—have told myself the same things. My dear Carrie was twenty years my junior. I fought and fought against my feelings until I could bear it no longer… Love knows no age."

"…Love?" Alvin scoffed. "'That word has nothing to do with me." Even as he said it, a part of him knew Rowen might be on to something. Still, he pushed the idea out of his head. "I've never loved anyone, and I never will. The whole 'others first' thing isn't for me—I couldn't care about someone that much."

"You're running from the truth, Alvin. I thought you were done running away?"

The implication of that question was enough to send Alvin into a rage. He leapt to his feet and grabbed Rowen's shirt, ready to punch him in his knowledgeable nose, but he stopped himself just in time.

"I'm not running away from anything! Don't accuse me of having feelings for a child and then call me a coward for denying it! That has nothing to do with me!" He was so mad he was shaking. Rowen, on the other hand, was infuriatingly calm.

"When you're ready to see reason," he said, pushing Alvin's hands away, "I'm here to talk." He dusted off his shoulders and chest. "I won't judge as I have been in a very similar situation myself."

"I said I'm not—"

"And I never called you a coward." Rowen cut him off. "Running from this is perfectly natural. You'll accept it in your own time… As will she."

"She—SHE! SHE'S in love with Jude!" His voice cracked as he said this. "She has been this whole time…"

"She certainly thinks so." Rowen replied.

It took a moment for Alvin to recover and speak. "She is. Why else would she be affected by all of this?"

"And why did she run to you in her time of need? Why did she feel the need to protect you today?" Alvin couldn't answer these questions. "Don't rush yourself." After a moment, Rowen smiled. "You have plenty of time to uncover the truth for yourself." With that, Rowen bowed low and then walked away.

Thoughts and heart racing, Alvin tried to sort through what had just happened. How did Rowen know so much? And how was he so sure that he was right? Leia was just a child—there was no way Alvin cold like her, much less be in love with her. And Leia had always loved Jude.

_She certainly thinks so._

Rowen's words echoed in his head. What if she didn't love Jude as much as she thought she did? Would it make a difference?

Suddenly, Alvin knew the answer—yes, it would make all the difference in the world. He wasn't ready to know in what way, but he knew that, in one conversation, his universe had changed—not crumbled, just shifted. He should have felt more upset, but he just felt calm—calm and tired.

Setting his things aside, Alvin curled up on the floor and thought of Leia… And continued to think of her well into sleep.

I hope you guys liked this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews, and sorry it took so long to post. I'll try to post the next one quicker.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, so first off: sorry it's taken so long. Thank you, everybody, for the reviews-lots has been going on with me. I'm 5 months pregnant now and just moved back in with my parents (bad relationship). I just have a whole lot going on, but I worked really hard to have this ready for you. Sorry again about how long it took.

Leia woke up feeling miserable. It was embarrassing that the day before she had needed saving and she knew that she put the entire group behind in their journey to Marksburg. She felt like everyone should be angry with her, which actually made their understanding attitudes even harder to bear. No one yelled at her, no one asked what happened, and no one bothered to hide their concerned stares. Although they were worried, they were giving her space, and they weren't at all upset with her. It made her even more self-conscious about the whole thing.

Alvin acted even stranger than the rest. She found him outside her door when she walked out that morning, but he didn't say anything to her. He just stood up and walked her to the kitchen where everyone was getting ready to eat. He waited until she chose a seat before sitting next to her and grabbing a plate. Leia wondered if she'd made him really mad, but she wasn't sure.

No one else spoke either, all through breakfast. By the time the group was ready to depart, Leia seriously thought she'd lose her mind. What in the world was wrong with everyone this morning? Sure, she screwed up—she knew it without anyone saying anything—but was that really why all of them were ignoring her? After a while of walking quietly, Leia could stand it no longer. She pulled Alvin aside to see what was going on.

"Hey, what's up with you today?" Leia hissed quietly, pulling his arm to make him fall into step with her. "I know I did something stupid yesterday, but… Are you mad at me…?"

"What?" Alvin asked grumpily, turning to her. "Why would I be mad at you? I mean, you're right, what you did was idiotic, but I'm not exactly mad. You're okay—we're all okay, so it'll be fine." He shrugged and attempted to speed up to catch up with the others.

"Wait!" Leia grabbed his arm again, pulling him back, but this time she didn't let go. "Then why are you acting so _weir_d? I mean, you haven't talked or joked or laughed or even grouched this morning!" She squeezed his arm and looked into his eyes, fully expecting the truth.

Alvin had to spend a moment collecting his thoughts—Leia was being even more clueless than normal, hugging his arm like that. Not only was it going to draw the attention of the group soon, he felt like he wouldn't be able to take a breath if she continued. Selfish girl.

"I'm tired, Leia." He murmured, pushing her hands off of him. "A lot happened yesterday and I didn't sleep very much." He caught the hurt look that spread across her face before he quickly explained himself. "They'll see. Remember what I told you about what people think as opposed to what is actually happening?"

"Why should it matter? I do that with everyone else—why should they think bad things only about you? I think you're just paranoid."

"Yeah, well, we can never be too careful, can we?" Alvin sighed, wiping his face with both hands in exhaustion.

"You act like you're guilty of something." Leia huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "You didn't do anything wrong, but you act as if you have. If they think that something is going on, they'll think that way because you're acting so odd." She grabbed his arm again and grinned at him. "As far as anyone else is concerned, we're sharing nothing but a joke."

"You know that isn't actually true. You and I… We've had our problems. You have all the reason in the world not to like me, and although you didn't avoid me before, you didn't exactly act like this either… Did you?" Alvin pointed out.

"Sure I did!" Leia replied easily. "I texted you all the time and visited you and everything—just like I did everyone else. If I acted like I didn't like you, they really would think something was going on."

Alvin started to argue more, but he realized halfway through his thought that she had a valid point. Leia was way too trusting of anyone and everyone. If she acted like she didn't like him, it would seem really strange. At the same time, he didn't feel comfortable with leaning against him like she was. Wasn't it wrong for him to stop her? Wouldn't people suspect something if he didn't try? He honestly didn't know how to act anymore—too many things had changed.

"All right, you brat." He finally said, looping his arm through hers instead of allowing her to hold onto him.

"Anyways, you made me lose my train of thought… Oh yeah! What's up with everybody today—you included? You're so quiet. I've barely heard a peep from anyone all morning!"

"I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with everyone. I know that Jude, Rowan, and I are probably all just tired. We were up talking until pretty late last night, after all." Alvin started to explain, but he had been wondering about the lack of conversation himself.

"You were talking to Jude? Why?" Leia snapped before she could stop herself. She knew that she wasn't being fair, but she didn't like the thought that Jude could still talk to Alvin when she couldn't talk to anyone else. He had an entire group of people willing to talk to him, so why did he feel the need to go to Alvin?

"I was speaking to Jude cause the kid is still my friend." Alvin narrowed his eyes at her. "Just because you and Jude have issues with each other doesn't mean that I can't talk to him… Besides…" He paused to scratch his goatee. "He actually pissed me off. We were arguing more than anything." He looked down at Leia's guarded expression and rolled his eyes. "I didn't tell him anything important, so stop looking at me like that. I just took up for myself, that's all."

"What did he say to you to make you so angry?" She asked, curiosity winning over tact. "You don't normally fight with people. You tend to cover anger with some stupid act—you'll joke about it to make it seem less serious than it is."

"I take offense to that—my act isn't stupid." Alvin tried to frown, but a stubborn grin found its way to his lips. "All right, you're right—fighting people isn't my forte." His smile dropped after a moment, though, thoughts of the night before making bitter emotions show themselves. "Jude was asking for it, though. He seemed to think I had done something to you. When he came out of your room, he was immediately on the offensive, and it pissed me off." He took a deep breath and tried to let go of his anger. "We talked about it, though, and I think he'll back off now."

"I thought I convinced him that I was upset about something else—something that no one could be blamed for… I guess he didn't buy it." Leia murmured, scratching at her arm and staring off into space.

"What are you talking about?" Alvin asked, raising his eyebrows. "You suck at lying—no one with half a brain would believe you." He started laughing. "But I'd love to know what you tried to tell him.

"Not a chance, you dick!" Leia cried out, running into him without unlooping their arms.

"Seriously… How do you plan on keeping this a secret? Maybe it'd be better to just tell him…"

"Absolutely not!" Leia cried out, stopping and pulling Alvin's arm. She lowered her voice dangerously for her next sentence. "And I swear to you—I swear on the spirits—that if you tell him, I will disembowel you, Alvin!"

Alvin visibly gulped before answering, "Message received."

It would have been a very long and annoying day for Leia had she not had Alvin there with her. No one else even noticed that they were lagging a little bit behind. Leia found, surprisingly, that she didn't mind everyone else staying away; in fact, after her initial hurt, she found herself thankful for it. She enjoyed spending the time with Alvin, even when they lapsed into silence.

Alvin found himself comfortable around Leia too, surprising himself. He was sure that he should feel guilty about spending so much time with her, but he decided not to think about it. Besides, Leia had made a good point before—and he really wasn't doing anything wrong.

It didn't seem like it took very long at all until everyone was stopping to set up camp. After they stopped, everyone seemed to liven up, chatting away, but Alvin and Leia didn't join in. It wasn't until they started to put out their sleeping bags that they broke the silence.

"You know," Leia said suddenly, looking up at Alvin. "When I first started my adventures with you guys, this was one of the parts I hated. I was so used to sleeping in my comfy bed that sleeping on the ground was painful."

"I didn't think you minded at all." Alvin laughed, answering truthfully. "I mean, it didn't seem to faze you when you forced your way into our group the first time. You slept in a barrel then, for spirit's sake."

"I was desperate back then—I knew that Jude would try to send me home; or worse, he could have told my mother." Both of them winced at the thought. "So I snuck on the boat. It was the only logical choice, really."

"Running away from home and sneaking on a boat is your idea of logical?"

"I had no other options!" Leia protested. "Jude woulda sent my butt right home! Besides, do you KNOW what my mom would have done if he told on me?"

"Maybe your other option was staying home to begin with—it was a safer choice, for sure."

"Ugh! That doesn't even sound like you! Did Jude infect you with worrywart syndrome or something?" Although Leia's tone was harsh, she grinned as she smacked Alvin in the arm.

"Hey! Violence isn't necessary!" He laughed, grabbing her arms by the wrists so that she couldn't move them.

"W-whoa, Alvin! Let me go!" Suddenly, she felt very conscious of how close she was to him—their chests were only inches apart—and how her heart was beating erratically.

"You started it." Although she knew he was joking, there was something in his eyes that made her shiver.

"You guys are lively today." Another voice made the two of them jump apart, Alvin practically pushing Leia over. She regained her balance just in time

"Jude." Alvin said nervously. "We were just joking around."

"…Yeah." He stared at the two of them for a long moment before shrugging. "That's good, though, right? Leia must be feeling better." He turned to her, ignoring Alvin. "We were all pretty worried about you."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks." Leia said shortly. She wasn't sure what to say or feel. She didn't want to talk to him, and her heart was still trying to recover from… Whatever that was with Alvin the moment before.

"I've been keeping a close eye on her." Alvin spoke up, taking a step forward. "So there's nothing to worry about."

"I'll see for myself." Jude replied. "Leia?" He was surprised to see her flinch when he said her name. "…You really ARE mad at me, aren't you?" He murmured sadly.

Leia stood frozen for a moment, feeling all the blood leave her face. What was she supposed to say to that? She prayed that Alvin would figure out a way to save her from this awkward situation.

Alvin, on the other hand, was fighting to keep his temper in check. He had **warned **the little idiot to give Leia some space. Was he incapable of understanding something so basic? Would his stubborn refusal to leave well-enough alone hurt her even more? And what could he do about any of it? Sighing in frustration, he tried to think rationally. The whole situation was getting really old. If he didn't say anything, Leia would be upset; if he did, Jude would get angry. He was in a lose-lose situation.

"I told you to drop it, Jude." He finally said.

"I can't do that, Alvin." The younger boy replied, his expression turning cold. "She's my oldest friend. I need to know what I did in order to make it better. I don't like fighting with her…" Jude shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "…Maybe you should let us talk alone."

"That's not going to happen." Alvin snapped, surprising even himself with his intensity. "I won't leave unless the little lady asks me to."

"We're trying to set up camp." Leia mumbled, refusing to look at either of them. "You should do the same."

"…What? But Leia, we need to talk about this. I want to fix things." He reached out to grab her arm and was shocked when Leia slid out of his reach and behind Alvin.

"I don't think she stuttered, kid. She doesn't want have this conversation right now." Alvin couldn't control the smug feeling that was spreading through his chest at her response. Maybe she really WOULD let Jude go after all of this was done.

"Alvin, this doesn't concern you." Jude growled, his hands clenching into fists.

"If you don't hurry, you'll miss the spot next to Milla." Leia said just loud enough for the boys to hear her. While both processed this thought, she grabbed Alvin's hand and walked away from Jude, too angry and hurt to say anything else.

"…You DO realize that was a huge hint." When Alvin finally got the courage to speak, they had just walked through the small thicket of trees that covered their camping site. His efforts were rewarded when she swirled around to glare at him.

What did you tell him?" She demanded, letting go of his hand. "What exactly did you talk about?"

"He accused me of upsetting you. When I told him I didn't do anything he started asking questions that I refused to answer." He stepped forward, closing the space between them. "He figured that I knew, and if I wouldn't tell him… Then it must be him. I told him to just leave it alone—he obviously refused."

"Why didn't you just make something up?" She asked in a high-pitched tone.

"I said I wouldn't tell, but I never said I'd lie for you." Alvin hissed, Leia's anger rubbing off on him. "You ask a lot from me, kid, and you refuse to give me credit for what I do."

"Yeah, well, you OWE me!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Instead, they echoed in the darkness. Alvin's expression dropped away—it wasn't cruel or hurt, but… It wasn't anything.

"You're right…" He backed away from her. "I do owe you. I'll do my best."

"Wait! Alvin, I didn't mean that!" Leia cried out, feeling panic and pain at her own stupidity.

"No, you're right." He didn't move as he spoke, seeming frozen in place. "I just thought we were…" He shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter. You're right."

"No, no, no, wait!" Leia ran to him, looking into his eyes. "I really, really didn't mean that! I was scared and upset and I took it out on you, but I _didn't mean to_! Please, please look at me!" She was crying, pleading with him.

What did this girl want from him? He was trying really hard for her, but he was stumbling in the dark—he knew nothing about dealing with women. And yet… She was crying—how could he make her stop crying…?

But he was hurt by what she said—more than was probably logical. He didn't want to fight with her—he wanted to be normal, teasing and laughing, but he couldn't quite fake it. She had only said to him what he had been thinking himself for a long time, but he couldn't take it.

Finally, after 30 seconds of listening to her soft sobs, Alvin put his arms around her and leaned against her shoulder. Neither of them expected her reaction; she returned the hug, pulling him as close as their bodies would allow.

"I swear to you," Leia started, hiccoughing. "That I didn't mean that. I'm so sorry—please don't go…"

"I'm not going anywhere." Alvin could only manage a whisper over the lump that had formed in his throat. This silly little girl… had more power over him than he would ever admit. She wouldn't even allow him to be mad at her—she was so dangerous to him. How far would he go for her…? Had he lost his mind? If he wanted a woman, he could have one in no time at all, so why was he… doing this?

"Alvin…" Leia whimpered, hugging him harder. "Please forgive me."

_I am so screwed… _Alvin thought, fighting the surge of emotions shooting through him. No one else would do, would they? He only wanted her…

"Hey, kid…" Alvin pulled away enough to tilt her chin up to look at him. "I told you I was on your side, right? I'm not going anywhere… And I forgive you…" Although he said them to make her feel better, the words tasted sour in his mouth—what right did he have to say that? He was the one needing forgiving, not her…

Leia gasped in relief and, completely flooring herself and him, she grabbed his collar and pulled his face to hers, planting a not-so-gentle kiss on his lips.

Fire. Alvin was on fire—he had never felt such extreme, dizzying emotions before. He moved his hand from her chin to her cheek, fighting against every instinct he had… And pushed her away. When she opened her eyes, she looked as dazed as he felt.

"What… was that?" When he finally spoke, his voice didn't sound like his own—it was deeper and raspier. He needed to calm down before he did something he would regret.

"I-it was a kiss, you dolt." Leia stammered, her entire body looking slightly flushed. Alvin briefly wondered if _all _of her was… But he pushed the thought away.

"…Right. And… Why was it given?" Alvin continued, beginning to recover through sheer power of will.

"I… I don't know." She answered truthfully, rubbing the side of her neck and looking away. "I was mostly… relieved." Her voice was barely a squeak. "Besides, I… I always thought my first kiss would be… But I chose to give it instead—is that… wrong?" She waited a moment for Alvin to speak, but he didn't know what to say. "Dammit, will I always be 'the one that stalked Jude'?! How dare he be nice to me! How dare he act like that?!" She started to shake, too many different feelings for her to keep up.

"Calm down, kid…" Alvin couldn't help but pull her back into his arms. He had so much to say, so much to ask, but he wouldn't dare. The path he was on was a perilous one—he needed to stop, to come to his senses and realize that he couldn't feel this way for her… Not for her…

But he couldn't stop it. The small, fragile woman in his arms… He wanted her—all of her. He wanted her to burn for him like he did for her; he wanted her to rely on him; and he wanted her to forget all about Jude. She had kindled a fire within him, and he could feel it consuming him. What was he supposed to do…?

Little did he know, Leia was having issues of her own. She had never experienced anything like this before—she had kissed Alvin, her first kiss! She hadn't even thought about doing it, her body just moved on its own. And what's worse, she didn't regret it. She didn't even feel bad. Sure, she was incredibly embarrassed and tongue-tied, but… She wanted to kiss him again.

This was not a feeling like anything she'd ever known. Jude was always safe; those were the only feelings she'd ever known—safe and protected. Everyone else had always thought she'd be with him too. It almost felt like it was destined, and everyone was expecting it. What she felt for Alvin was nothing like that.

He was off limits—not only was he an adult; he had made a lot of mistakes. She had forgiven him, but not everyone had. Logically, she knew there were tons of reasons to stay away from him (at least emotionally), but…

It was exhilarating, this dangerous new feeling. She wanted nothing more than to see just how much she could get away with. There was always the risk that he felt nothing for her—would he be angry if she pushed her luck? Still, his reaction to her kiss was confusing. First, he kissed her back, and then he pushed her away. Surely, if he didn't want it, he wouldn't have participated at all, right?

Both of their brains were working in overdrive—they wanted the same thing on different levels. Too shy to do any more, Leia stood frozen in Alvin's arms while he, too reluctant to give up his chase, refused to let her go. Neither knew how to stop or control their feelings.

Until a soft cough caught their attention.

Pushing Alvin to the ground, Leia was almost too embarrassed to see who was there with them… Almost.

Rowan stood in their line of view, just in front of the trees. With a small smile, the old gentleman walked closer to them, stopping only a couple feet away and enjoying their horrified expressions.

"Young love." He said quietly, looking up at the stars. "Not that I mind, you two, but if you want to keep things secret, you might find that distance is a friend." He nodded towards the small patch of trees that separated them from the camp and chuckled. "At least far enough away where no one will hear you."

"N-no, it's not like that!" Leia started, trying to figure out what to tell the old man. "H-he was just helping me."

"Oh, of that I have no doubt." Rowan answered with equal parts sarcasm and mirth. "Would you mind telling me what he was helping you with? It was obvious that you needed his support or he wouldn't have held you so closely, right?"

"W-w-what? No, it was… Nothing. I just…" Leia fumbled around in her words, trying to figure out what to say.

"Does it pertain to your secret?" He asked before quickly amending, "Which he _hasn't _told me, mind you. I wonder if you'd enlighten me." Her murderous glare turned to shock.

"How did you figure out I had a secret then?"

"You two have been much closer lately—like you were sharing something that no one else knows." He explained, shrugging as if anyone could tell. "I also believe it involves Jude because you've barely talked to him for a few days, and you've been careful to avoid all eye contact."

"That's enough." Alvin spoke up, still sitting on the ground where Leia had pushed him. "He's baiting you for information, kid. Don't answer him unless you want him to know." His voice was stern but he didn't appear angry; he just looked very, very tired.

"Now, Alvin, I've only asked one question. I've been giving information."

"You've been trying to manipulate her into giving a yay or nay on your guesses." He replied, slowly rising to his feet. ""She said she doesn't want anyone to know—you should respect her wishes and leave her alone."

"Alvin… I didn't mean to offend…" Rowan murmured, taking a step back. "I'm terribly sorry if I asked too much, young miss. You don't have to tell me anything." He smiled and bowed before walking back towards camp.

"Alvin! You made him mad—what was that for?!" She asked, feeling guilty for Rowan—he hadn't meant any harm. Leia was surprised when she saw the intense look that Alvin was giving her.

"I need to get back to camp." He practically growled, refusing to answer her question. "See you in the morning." Before she could say anything else, he sped off, leaving her confused and frustrated.

What was his problem?


End file.
